Friday, September 21, 2007

I have a problem...

Ok, ya'll. I need some advice. If ya'll will remember this post then you will remember my friend Jimmy, and that we were engaged.

Well, I am still friends with his mother. We speak on the phone about once a week or so, and today she took me to lunch for my birthday.

A few weeks ago she told me that she had gone to the bank a couple of months back to clear out Jimmy's safe deposit box. In there she found our wedding rings. I still have my engagement ring, but Jimmy had put his wedding ring, and the part of my ring that was to be "fixed" to the engagement ring to make my wedding ring in the box. She wanted to know if I would like to have it. I said, "Yes, Ma'am. I think I would." So, she gave it to me today at lunch. Not sure why I wanted it, but I did/do and now have it.

She also wants me to come over and spend some weekend with her. She REALLY wants me to come over. I know she is in poor health, and she really could use someone over there. I know she is lonely. The problem is, I still do not feel comfortable going over there. I really don't. It isn't just fear. I REALLY don't want to go.

Now, I feel guilty. I have made excuses until now, and in a few weeks I literally will have no time until after the first of the year. So, if I go it will need to be in the next couple of weeks.

So, should I keep making excuses and not go? Should I go, and risk my nerves, because I really don't want to be there? I may not last the weekend. (Please don't suggest being honest with her, because believe me she is not the kind of person that would take the truth well.)

The other thing is, I could really use a few days away from kids. But, I know I won't be able to rest that weekend, even if I went.

Should I feel guilty? Am I being selfish?

Wendy Darling


Princess LadyBug said...

I say that because of the shingles you don't need to go. Any extra stress or aggravation will increase the pain. And that's not an excuse, that's the truth. You know I understand about Jimmy's mom all too well. :P

Seriously, don't do ANYTHING that will make you uncomfortable. You have every right to feel the way you do and without guilt. You're job in life is not to make everyone happy, Wendy darling. You can do that, but remember to make yourself happy along the way.

Just tell her that due to still fighting the shingles, you'll need to put off the visit for a while. You are not the only person in her life. She has family and Jimmy has a ton of other friends that could come. Just because you were ALMOST her daughter-in-law, doesn't mean you are obligated to go see her.

Also whatever you do, don't give her my number. :P

WendyDarling said...

LOL... Thank you, Princess. :-) And, don't worry, your number is safe. :-)

Kwizgiver said...

Ok, this is the advice I can offer--as someone who suffers from anxiety... I understand what you mean that you "can't" go. So... don't go. Even though you feel beholden to her, you don't owe her anything. You should take a weekend away just for you, with no kids, instead of going to take care of someone else, take care of yourself.

Your body is talking to you--through shingles and anxiety--and you MUST attend to yourself. Listen to your body.

You know I love you--and I have nothing to gain by giving you advice--but I can say you MUST listen to your body and take care of yourself.


WendyDarling said...

Thank you, Kwizgiver. :-) You are absolutely right, and I do need to listen to my body. I wish I could afford to "get away" for a few days. :-)